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  • Writer's picturePaper Paladin

An Outline

Sometimes, the obvious alludes us. I’m thankful to have had a kind friend come alongside me and graciously point out the obvious.

After months of wrestling with the call to write, walking through the checks that affirmed the call was from God, I started wondering how to wrangle together what I had been thinking, reading, and writing about. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. "I'm not a writer!" I kept telling myself.

What format was this project supposed to take? I felt lost. I started complaining again to God, “This is too hard? Why me? How am I supposed to do this?”

It’s like God waits for me to ask these questions just so He can provide the answer.

“Go talk to Kveta.”

Wow, of course!

My friend, Kveta Rose, had at that time just published Kirabo, so of course, she would be able to give me some insight!

Kveta read what I had assembled and simply asked, "What about an outline?"

I was embarrassed that I didn't think to do an outline on my own. I'd written a thesis for crying out loud. I knew the importance of an outline! But, a couple of things that I'm learning on this journey are: I get stuck on the "not being a writer" message, so I keep having to be gracious with myself, and this journey is not just about encouraging community, but it's about me being part of one.

I recently came across Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones' quote, "Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?"

Ouch. I realize I need to stop listening to the "not being a writer" message; it's not helping me.

And by being honest and vulnerable, telling you that I asked for help, well, maybe that frees you up to do the same. Since one of the key messages of my manuscript is to be willing to talk about infertility, to be vulnerable and to build community amidst suffering, it seems essential that I be willing to be vulnerable, too.

I need to offer myself the same grace I would someone else sharing this story or one like it. Even now I still feel a twinge of embarrassment admitting that I didn't think to make an outline, but that's being human for you.

Sometimes, the obvious alludes us.

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